Honestly

Full Disclosure: I haven't slept well for the last 3 nights in a row. I also just read another adoption blog where the writer vented their frustration about how long it is taking for their adoption journey. "Bitter party of 1..."


No, make that bitter party of two. Possibly 3, but I won't presume to speak for Hubs. So I'm just going to do a little venting of my own, because I'm hoping getting it off my chest will make me feel better.


I'll tell you that we decided to adopt instead of going through fertility treatments, because we thought that at least in the end, we would definitely become parents this way. We also chose to adopt internationally because that is what was right for us.


We started our adoption journey during the Fall of 2006. We were trying to adopt from Colombia from an agency that will remain unnamed. By the time we were done with our home study, we were fed up with the agency. They weren't returning our calls unless we resorted to blatant nagging, and then they acted as if our questions were stupid and a waste of their time. Hello!? We didn't pay you several thousand dollars to treat us this way!


Suddenly an opportunity arose that seemed like the chance of a lifetime. A private adoption in Mexico using people we knew and who cared for us to facilitate the process. The baby was born and everything was going along swimmingly. We even had a name picked out for her and told all of our family and friends. Then the lawyer stopped calling us back and the birth parents started demanding money. We had to walk away.


Then we moved to a new state and decided to try a new agency and a new country. We did our homework. There's a lot of positive and negative information about every agency out there, but we made a decision. This time we decided to adopt from Kyrgyzstan. Everything was going great! Our paperwork was all ready to be submitted to the country, and we were about to begin the long wait for a referral. One hitch, though... Kyrgyzstan stopped processing adoptions and eventually closed their doors to US adoptions.


We went with our gut instinct and decided to stay with the agency but switch countries. This time it was different. We had picked all of our past countries based on a multitude of reasons, but finally, choosing Ethiopia seemed different. Better. Right. Doing our paperwork all over again was a drag, and paying more money wasn't our idea of fun either, but we were energized in a new way during the process. This was it, we thought. It's really going to work out this time. Well, if you read back in our posts, you'll see that this hasn't been the easiest of waits either.


Finally, we are on the cusp of getting a referral. October or November we were told. I'm not holding my breath though. We've been through almost every emotion possible in our journey, and quite honestly, I lack the ability to hope right now. I'm tired of the adoption drama. I really want to have a child. I want to show them the world. I want to kiss scraped knees, video soccer games and read bedtime stories. But I am tired of this roller coaster. We could get a referral any day now, and I'm just waiting for the bottom to drop out. What will go wrong this time? I'm even afraid of possible backlash just for posting this rant, but bottling up my emotions isn't working too well for me.


I will speak for both the Hubs and I when I say that we just want to complete this adoption and move on with our lives. Our lives have been in limbo for the last 3 years. We have had to factor in our adoption process into every major decision that we have made.